Wife needs chemotherapy, tells husband to still take planned vacation. It’s a trap?

A controversy has erupted after a wife battling cancer tells her husband to still go on vacation to Thailand without her. Cheat or not?


A hotly contested debate has erupted on Reddit after a husband raised a controversial question online. In short, the man and his wife had previously planned a vacation to Thailand, however, she is undergoing chemotherapy. She tells him to go ahead and take the vacation without her.

My wife needs chemotherapy, she told me to go to Thailand alone. Advice please. Travel

This is a very interesting puzzle. For one thing, it’s actually quite easy: don’t go. Cheat or not, you don’t go. Anyone who has been married for more than 5 minutes knows this. The original poster, by the way, points out that he has already decided not to go.

On the other hand, the trip is booked and she is literally telling him to make the trip. Why shouldn’t she go her? It is reserved. She has permission. Why not?

The commenters on the thread are of two minds, but just barely. The overwhelming opinion of the commentators is to cancel the trip.

For example, HolidaySuccess_8537 says:

“I went through chemotherapy. I don’t think anyone realizes what a difference it makes to have your OS by your side through the entire process. I had a pretty rough time of it, but there’s no telling how his body will react. Stay home and plan a trip for after treatment is complete. Edited to add that you should talk to her about why she is telling you to go. From my experience, she wanted things to be normal and she may be thinking the same way. Ten days difference in normal times is not horrible. Not wanting to be a burden could be part of it. I really had no idea what the reality of chemotherapy was until I went through it. My husband started a new job just before my cancer diagnosis and couldn’t take much time off, so he missed one of my treatments. My sister and SIL came with me, but it really sucked not having my husband there.”

A response to this comment from Connect-Dust_3856 offers some additional color:

“Second, the hyper-independence piece. He had a life-threatening diagnosis and a long subsequent recovery. I didn’t want to be a burden to my spouse. I didn’t want him to resent me or my needs, so he often did too much. I insisted that I was fine and tried to always be normal. At about six months, I realized how unusual I was (not in diagnosis, but in behaviors) and felt crushed. I was always grateful that he never pointed it out. Even though we are now divorced, I still express my gratitude for him just taking over in life and he never called me out for pretending everything was normal.”

The response of a poster is forceful and direct: “Cancel the damn trip. There is no other place you should be more than by his side during these times.”

RandomPerson2023 offers a counterpoint:

“Have you considered that maybe he’s telling you to go not because he really cares that you miss the trip, but because he doesn’t want to admit how scary it is to go through chemotherapy? If I were her, my coping mechanism would probably be to just downplay the thing, as if to say “yeah, it’s not worth being scared of, don’t waste your trip over this little thing” just to convince myself that it really is. a little thing (when it’s not at all) just to be less afraid. (I hope it makes sense somehow, I’m sorry, English is not my mother tongue and sometimes it’s hard to explain more complex thoughts. Anyway, I hope all the best for you two, when you finally enjoy Thailand together it will be incredible “.

The general feeling, however, is that No going on the journey is the right move. Even if the affected spouse is literally okay with the man taking the trip, the right thing to do (according to Reddit, anyway) is to cancel the trip.

And we agree. Cancel the trip.

And you, reader? What is your opinion?


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